8/9/23: New Technology

On Monday, we had installed a 75” Sony TV mounted on an articulating arm in the Social Hall. When facing the altar, it will be on your left—moved out for visibility to those sitting in the back of the hall. This will aid those with hearing impairment by allowing for Closed Captions provided by Zoom. It will also provide close-up of the minister and others standing on the stage. It can display the words of songs, the scripture, presentations, welcoming screen to those entering the church, and a host of things that we haven’t thought of yet.

This is a wonderful example of how ideas can move from an individual to a project, with communication across multiple Ministry Teams and groups. In this case, the idea came forward, I did a quick feasibility study with a few knowledgeable people, Worship & Spiritual Growth Ministry Team matured the idea, working with Facilities, the Financial implications were considered by Council. It was installed on Monday.

This technology displaced the bulletin board that holds minutes and pictures of new members and the painting of the shroud of Mary—the fates of both are under consideration. It will be paid for by the Joe Collonge Technology & Building Fund—leaving almost $5k in that fund. And I am excited to see what it will become.

As I do not write with humor, I submitted this announcement to ChapGPT to make it humorous. What follows is the result of AI conversion:

Greetings, fellow tech-savvy congregants!

Prepare yourselves for an epic transformation! Drumroll, please… We are about to unleash a marvelous marvel in our church’s Social Hall. Behold, the grand installation of the latest and greatest 75” Sony TV with an acrobatic, swiveling arm! It’s so massive, you might mistake it for the Ark of the Covenant!

Now, don’t worry, you won’t need binoculars to see the action. When you face the altar, this behemoth of a TV will be on your left, gracefully extended to cater to the folks in the back who usually end up peering through a pair of spiritual binoculars during the service.

But wait, there’s more! For all our hard-of-hearing friends, rejoice! We’re bringing Closed Captions into our lives, courtesy of Zoom! No more pretending to lip-read the minister’s sermons or hilariously misinterpreting song lyrics.

But that’s not all. Our fantastic TV will zoom in on the stage like a hawk spotting its prey. Get ready to see every bead of sweat on the minister’s forehead and every detail of their facial expressions. You’ll be so close to the action; you might be tempted to hand them a tissue when they start to tear up during the emotional parts!

Songs, scripture, presentations, welcoming screens – this TV can do it all! Heck, it might even predict the weather and make your morning coffee if we ask it nicely enough.

And let’s not forget the journey of this idea from conception to completion. It was like herding a swarm of caffeinated squirrels! But we made it happen! Shoutout to our genius Ministry Teams and groups who brought this tech dream to life.

The casualties of progress: the old bulletin board and the painting of the shroud of Mary. Fear not, for their fate is yet uncertain. We might hide them in the secret underground chamber or set them adrift on a mini-ark in the church pond.

Now, you must be wondering, how on earth are we paying for this high-tech miracle? Thanks to the Joe Collonge Technology & Building Fund! We’ll have some money left over too, in case the TV demands an upgrade or demands snacks during movie nights.

Get ready, folks, because Monday’s installation day will be the birth of a new era in our church’s tech history. Prepare to be amazed, astonished, and mildly amused as we embrace the future, one inch at a time! See you there!